I got a letter from the court in Düsseldorf today. They want me to show up in person at a specified date at end of February to talk to the judge about my legal name change.

I didn’t expect that they actually want to see me. But it probably means that I have to wait a month more before i can start seing the 2 psychologists for the referrals.

The exitement about the letter soon ended up in worries and hatred against being discriminated.

The name change process sucks in Germany

• It took way too long and too much effort (i.e. psychatrist referal, life story) to get everything I needed to the court.
• It costs way too much money (estimated 1400-1800€)
• They will send me to two psychologists for referrals, who basically can do everything they want, depite me paying for them.
• I am entirely depending on the speed of the court and the psychologists
• The laws are outdated and nobody gives a fuck

Forcing a transwoman to use her old name for a prolonged time is discrimination

Sadly this is Germany. The transsexual law is from the 90s and still includes paragraphs (such as the requirement of castration to get the name change) that have been ruled unconstitutional by the highest court in Germany.

On several occasions, I had to use my old male name despite being a full time woman for over a year now. From right now on, it’ll take at least several months to get it changed. Depending on my mood, seeing it triggers either a “hey, that’s not me”-reaction in the best case or more often a punch in the stomach.

I had to cry at the moment I put the letter for my legal name change request in the mailbox today.

This topic has bothered me for quite a while. In Germany, you can’t just simply change your name. Well, as trans-person, you can get the additional passport from dgti, which is supposed to protect you against discrimination. It has worked for me on some private companies such as Paypal and Ebay (to my surprise), but not anything semi-state related such as health insurance, the Sparkasse bank, the job center and having a company.

I have been in generally good mental condition for a few weeks now. But it hurts every time like a punch in the stomach if I have to read or use my old name, or being adressed as “Sir”. Latter issue only happens in paperwork anymore. But this needs to stop.

I needed to visit a psychiatrist yesterday for a letter. It was the final missing piece in my puzzle of getting every document together. Apart from that, they required me to send a copy of my passport, a letter that confirms my residence, a certified copy of my birth certificate (by the way, my birth certificate says “No. 42”) and my life story in form of a résumé on one or two pages.

I spent 30€ for all those letters and certificates, not including travel costs. But the biggst thing is yet to come.

Legal name change for transgender people is ridiculously expensive in Germany

Next, I am expecting to get an invoice from the court that I have sent my request to. They will send me to two independant psychologists for a letter each, which will cost anything from 500-700€ each. Then court fees, which I expect to be around 200€. So in total that can be anything from 1200-1600€, which I have to pay upfront before anything happens.

I have suggested two psychologists. I have no clue how good they were, but they responded to me by email. Both are in Cologne and I expect that I need to show up in person at least once.

I expect this to take months at least. And that is not all. After the name change has passed, I need to request new passports, new driving licence, bank cards, etc.. Probably not less than 150€ in additional expenses there.

Another issue is that I still have my company, even if it’s in liquidation at the moment. A legal name change requires me to see a notary and leave at least another 150€ there.

Inhumane laws and structures are wasting my money (also my time)

This blog post is also available in English

Ich wollte in diesem Blog eigentlich nichts über Gesundheitsthemen schreiben. Ich mach es jetzt aber trotzdem, da mich ein Thema, was mich jetzt seit einem Monat in mir rumschleppe endlich loswerden muss. Das Thema ist mir so wichtig, dass ich es sowohl in Deutsch als auch in Englisch schreibe.

Ich bin eine Transfrau noch in der “Umstellung”. Ich lebe seit Ende letzten Jahres als Frau und nehme seit ein paar Monaten Hormone. Ich versuche jetzt seit August, meine Bartepilation bezahlt zu bekommen, da die noch vorhandenen Barthaare sowie Körperbehaarung an den Brüsten jeden Tag aufs neue psychisch zu schaffen macht. Die Krankenkasse muss diese Kosten übernehmen, kann aber eine Prüfung durch den Medizinischen Dienst der Krankenversichung (MDK) verlangen.

Und genau da liegt der Haken. Der MDK-Arzt war mit dem Schreiben von meiner Psychotherapeutin alleine nicht zufrieden und hat verschiedene Ärztegutachten angefordert, sowie eine eigene, ausführliche Lebensgeschichte von mir.

Mich dagegen zu weigern bringt nichts. Ich habe kein Geld, um die Epilationsbehandlung selber zu bezahlen. Ich muss das Thema möglichst schnell hinter mir haben, damit es mir wieder besser geht.

Ich habe jetzt 4 Wochen damit verbracht, diese zu schreiben. Und ich bin am Ende. Ja, ich habe sie fertig. 13 Seiten mit über 6100 Wörter. Aber ich bin bin auch fertig.

Über Erlebnisse zu reden kann gut tun. Therapiestunden habe ich meistens einmal in der Woche. Dort kann immer mal etwas, aber dann in der richtigen Dosierung hochkommen. Und das tut gut.

Über Erlebnisse zu schreiben, und das auch noch strukturiert, ist was anderes. Zum einen habe ich den inneren Zeitdruck. Zum anderen habe ich keine ausgebildete Therapeutin, die im richtigen Moment die richtigen Worte findet.

Ich möchte mal einen Satz raussuchen, an dem ich eine halbe Stunde gesessen habe, um ihn in meinem Essay diplomatisch zu verpacken:

“Die Lebensgeschichte zu schreiben ist mir extrem schwer gefallen und die Fülle an Erinnerungen und an Situationen, die ich nochmal in so kurzer Zeit verarbeiten muss, ist schwierig.”

Dieser Blogtext ist auch in Deutsch verfügbar

I didn’t want to put health topics in my blog originally. But I am doing it now, about a topic that I had to deal with for about a month. And it’s so important to me, I’m writing it in both English and German.

I am a transwoman in transition. I am living a full time life of a woman since end of last year and I am taking female hormones for a few month now. Now I am trying to get epilation of facial hair and hair on my chest paid by my insurance, because those areas are a daily source of dysphoria. The health insurance in Germany has to pay for it, but may have the requests checked by the “Medizinischen Dienst der Krankenversichung (MDK)”, which are doctors that check requests for validity for the insurance.

And this institution is giving me problems. The doctor from the MDK wasn’t satisfied by the letter of my therapist. He wanted me to write my own, detailed essay about my life.

It didn’t make any sense to refuse doing so. I don’t have the money to pay for the epilation myself. And it’s probably going to be requested again for any other treatment. Plus, I need to get the epilation as soon as possible, otherwise I can’t be happy with myself.

I have spent the last 4 weeks in writing my essay. And I am done. Done with the essay: yes. 13 Page and over 6100 words. But I done with myself as well.

It can feel good to talk about experiences in your life. I have a therapy hour usually once a week for that. Some experiences can lead to a bad feelings, but at the right dosage, this is good for you.

Writing about your experiences on the other hand, in structured an in whole is a different beast. I have some kind of inner time pressure, because of the desperate need of the treatment. Plus, there isn’t a therapist around me that can always find the right words in the right moments.

I’m quoting a translated sentence from my essay on which I have spent half an hour to make it sound diplomatic:

“Writing my life essay was very difficult for me and the enormous amount of memories and situations that I had to process in such a short time was difficult”