In the past months I have noticed that it becomes hard to me to concentrate on tasks. Especially boring ones. Especially when there’s no defined and close deadline.

My mind is rushing, jumping from one thing to the next, wanting instant gratification. Multitasking.

Reducing addictive distractions (such as video games or netflix) seem to help me noticing my brain patterns better, but not in increasing focus.

I noticed that I can concentrate better with a slight headache. Or about a short time in the evenings when I get tired, but not too tired. Or in the mornings if I took something sedative to sleep in the evening, such as Diphenhydramine or Phenibut. But I don’t dare to abuse them for the sake of concentrating.

So, I talked to my GP about these issues and things I’ve tried. I had a 20 minute long talk about how he things that there’s nothing wrong with me and that he thinks that I am just ‘depressed’ after things I fought for so long have resolved.

There are three things that trigger my Iatrophobia: Doctors that don’t take me seriously, doctors that lie to me (or omit information) and doctors that shame me. Please stop doing that. I want to work towards being fully healthy, so please check me up and guide me how to find help.

I was given a referral for a psychiatrist. My question on where to go to or how to find a decent one was left unanswered. Unfortunately my previous encounters with them have been pretty bad.

I had to specifically ask to get my blood values checked, he finally agreed on checking some of them at least (“but I don’t think I’ll find anything”). I asked for a Vitamin D3 screening, he declined, his words were “Yes, I believe that you have low Vitamin D levels but I don’t believe brining them up makes any difference at all”.

After that appointment, I was depressed for the rest of the evening, slowing down my head quite a bit. That was both shitty but also pleasant for a change.